YOUR LOVE IS LIKE HEART MEDICINE

Stepping off the bus into unincorporated territory in Cazadero, California and onto the lands of Teravana was… exhilarating. Four weeks ago, I wasn’t even supposed to be here. I was pulled off a waitlist and added to this retreat last minute (major shoutout to the universe), as I’d soon discover, it was exactly where I needed to be. 

This trip brought together 40 women from 19 states and three countries, all drawn by Emily’s promise of physical competition, mindfulness and the chance to relax in a place unlike anywhere we’d ever been. After shaking off the meet-and-greet jitters, we settled into our new homes. Accommodations ranged from king/queen bedrooms to bunks, ecopods, and my home—the temple. I made little tour videos of both the temple and the main house, and trust me, they’re worth the two minutes of your time.

The temple was a gorgeous refurbished barn with a massive deck, large enough for all 40 of us to gather and take in the rolling mountain views. Somehow, the house was both expansive and cozy. It didn’t feel like your typical modern mansion—it had charm, character and the kind of lived-in warmth that tells stories of decades of guests. To my surprise, the main home was perfectly sized—you could gather in one big group, split off into smaller ones or find space to be alone without ever feeling lost on the property.

Take a tour of the Temple, where I slept and we did a lot of gatherings inside and out on the massive deck.

Here’s a view of the walk from the Temple and all around the stunning main house.

I have to talk about three more places in the house: the bunk rooms (so much Challenge energy!), the main bathroom shower where I had the most glorious rinse after Day 2’s competition, and the bathhouse—which is now officially on my manifestation list for when I get rich. Again, the video tours? Worth it.

On our first evening, we gathered in the living room. Instead of the typical one-by-one introductions (thank you, Em—that would’ve taken foreverrrr), we broke into small groups to answer question prompts and slowly got to know one another. Our group was incredibly diverse—hardcore Challenge fans, mothers, non-mothers, CrossFitters, yogis and women who had never heard of Emily, Tori or The Challenge, just looking for a reset and time for themselves.

Every meal was designed to nourish us, with ingredients from the Teravana farm or nearby farms. Our chefs, Shawn and Katie, went above and beyond preparing three fresh meals a day. Not a single packaging container in sight, zero plastic and a full rainbow of colors on every plate. I’m not sure I’ll ever experience food that fresh again—wait! Yes I will, it’s also going on my manifestation list.

Later that night, we headed down to the temple for grounding, breathwork and a mandala circle. There’s a song called Heart Medicine by my favorite band, Judah & The Lion, and that mandala circle was exactly that—heart medicine. Two days before the trip, I had one of the worst asthma/allergy attacks I’ve had in probably the last 5-10 years. I was using my nebulizer eight times a day—normally something I only use for emergencies. I knew I wasn’t sick, just that Indiana’s weather had turned on me hard. I was so bummed to arrive at the retreat barely able to breathe without my inhaler. I wanted to compete, run fast, go far. Why now?

But I faced yet another challenge: quieting the voice of my ego and embracing the trip for whatever I could or couldn’t do. That night, I made the choice to let go. Little did I know, heart medicine was coming my way.

We stood in a circle. Even though we barely knew each other, there was this collective sense of being all in. Britt and Winsome instructed us to place our hand on the upper chest of each woman, lock eyes and breathe in and out once. One by one, we made our way around the circle, connecting through a single shared breath with every other person. It was intimate, yet somehow we all managed to move through it with minimal giggles or awkwardness.

When Britt asked if anyone wanted to share how it felt, I was overcome.

I shared that having all these women place their hands on the exact place where I was diagnosed, endured and survived cancer—a place where I desperately miss my breasts, a place that nearly killed me—was incredibly moving. That part of me holds a lifetime of trauma. And on top of that, I was currently struggling in the lungs department. But during that circle, as each woman calmly breathed with me, I truly felt like they were passing along their positivity and healing energy.

I recently wrote a little poem about this night and created a visual to go with it, check it out here.

Breath is life, and we so rarely share it intentionally. Who knew this would be the exact heart medicine I needed to sleep soundly the night before Day 1’s Challenge: The Obstacle Course.

That’s up next. Stay tuned.

All photos by the lovely Lia of Oh, Honestly, a photography service.